3 minute read
Some beautiful words from the heart & mind of a poet. Read on and leave yesterday and the narcissist behind with insights from J Demos.
By J Demos
You don’t know what’s happening. You are caged and hurt and angry.
You are hungry for love. For intimacy. For validation. Communication.
You find yourself so completely alone although there are people all about you. Your children. Family. Friends. Colleagues.
But… but… the fog is too thick. You cannot find your way to them. They are out of reach.
They are merely extras in the movie of your life as it plays out with the Narcissist; writing, directing and producing the very character he has targeted you to play. For him. His very own movie star.
Listen. Yes. Listen. Take a breath. Hear me. You are not required to play this role anymore.
Look up. Look out. Look in. See yourself.
You are there waiting, waiting, but you are there.
You are ready for… Today!
I see you. I see your gentleness. The love that leaks out of your heart.
You are worthy. Beautiful behind your fragile, unsure smile.
You heal. Your bones mend. Your flesh seams together.
Come, mind. You too, must come. Do not concern yourself with the why. Lock it away for now. You do not need to know why today.
Through your eyes, the landscape of your world has tilted.
The blue, blue sky is overhead. The trees, they have shape and colors you haven’t noticed in a very long time. They greet you in the soft breeze.
You hear the quiet hum of the lawnmower like the blood moving through your thawing veins.
Your soul hears the call of freedom.
Embrace, embrace. embrace
You are strong. Listen again. Strong, I tell you.
Look in the mirror. Search deeply into your vast ocean eyes. There you are. You are you and no other.
You are… Believe in the YOU.
Trust and do not question. Take a step away. Another. Another. Love yourself.
You are awake. For the first time in ??? You can see now, at the deepest cellular level, that you are not him. You are you. One step. Another, into…
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. After all, you have been the victim of a war.
Touch your feelings. Allow them to leap to and fro. How you feel is exactly perfect right now, in this moment.
Do not concern yourself with the entropy of what could have been.
You know this.
Imagine his head dead center of your thumb and forefinger. Pinch, pinch, pinch. Laugh. Feel the warmth of victory permeating your body. You have won the war. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Pinch!
You are a warrior, experienced and powerful.
Armor yourself with all your goodness, your empathetic self and use these tools to help and support others. You know them. You see them. Perhaps start your own narcissist recovery group. Many of these people are living in your yesterday. People are waiting for you. Trust yourself.
Do kind things for others.
Grab a box of gallon bags from the store and fill them with .99 cent goodness. Leave them in your car and offer them to those who have NOTHING. It feels Aaahhhhmazing!
Randomly pay for the person’s coffee behind you in the Starbuck’s drive-through. Aaaaahhhhhhh so comforting. Peaceful. Purposeful. Drive away with a smile splitting your face and a wide-open heart.
Cook a huge spaghetti dinner for those homeless people you see buzzing around at night. (I urge you to try this at least once. So nurturing to your soul.)
Put some of your favorite childhood books on your front seat.
See that convalescent home you drive past everyday? STOP! Let your heart beat staccato for YOUR joy. Do it. So what if it’s scary, outside your comfort zone? Perfect.
Give your love and empathy and time to those who deserve it. Who hunger like you used to do.
You. Are. Ready.
Lift the hatchet. It’s right there in the corner. Lift it high above your head. You are strong. You CAN do this. Feel the wood and iron in your hands. Heavy and deadly. Let the arc of your blade split the air as it cleaves the tether that binds you to your past. BAM!
Freedom. Revel in it. Flood your mind with the resonance of this final act. Beloved, your goodness transcends every evil the Narcissist embodies.
Turn now. Walk away. Do not look back.
J Demos has been a teacher for 25 years, and has four wonderful daughters, and eight grandchildren. She was in a relationship with a narcissist for 37 years.