3 minute read
Some beautiful words from the heart & mind of a poet. Read on and leave yesterday and the narcissist behind with insights from J Demos.
By J Demos
Yesterday…
You don’t know what’s happening. You are caged and hurt and angry.
You are hungry for love. For intimacy. For validation. Communication.
You find yourself so completely alone although there are people all about you. Your children. Family. Friends. Colleagues.
But… but… the fog is too thick. You cannot find your way to them. They are out of reach.
They are merely extras in the movie of your life as it plays out with the Narcissist; writing, directing and producing the very character he has targeted you to play. For him. His very own movie star.
Today…
Listen. Yes. Listen. Take a breath. Hear me. You are not required to play this role anymore.
Look up. Look out. Look in. See yourself.
You are there waiting, waiting, but you are there.
You are ready for… Today!
I see you. I see your gentleness. The love that leaks out of your heart.
You are worthy. Beautiful behind your fragile, unsure smile.
You heal. Your bones mend. Your flesh seams together.
Come, mind. You too, must come. Do not concern yourself with the why. Lock it away for now. You do not need to know why today.
Through your eyes, the landscape of your world has tilted.
The blue, blue sky is overhead. The trees, they have shape and colors you haven’t noticed in a very long time. They greet you in the soft breeze.
You hear the quiet hum of the lawnmower like the blood moving through your thawing veins.
Your soul hears the call of freedom.
Embrace, embrace. embrace
You are strong. Listen again. Strong, I tell you.
Look in the mirror. Search deeply into your vast ocean eyes. There you are. You are you and no other.
You are… Believe in the YOU.
Trust and do not question. Take a step away. Another. Another. Love yourself.
You are awake. For the first time in ??? You can see now, at the deepest cellular level, that you are not him. You are you. One step. Another, into…
Tomorrow…
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. After all, you have been the victim of a war.
Touch your feelings. Allow them to leap to and fro. How you feel is exactly perfect right now, in this moment.
Do not concern yourself with the entropy of what could have been.
It isn’t.
You know this.
Imagine his head dead center of your thumb and forefinger. Pinch, pinch, pinch. Laugh. Feel the warmth of victory permeating your body. You have won the war. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Pinch!
You are a warrior, experienced and powerful.
Armor yourself with all your goodness, your empathetic self and use these tools to help and support others. You know them. You see them. Perhaps start your own narcissist recovery group. Many of these people are living in your yesterday. People are waiting for you. Trust yourself.
Do kind things for others.
Grab a box of gallon bags from the store and fill them with .99 cent goodness. Leave them in your car and offer them to those who have NOTHING. It feels Aaahhhhmazing!
Randomly pay for the person’s coffee behind you in the Starbuck’s drive-through. Aaaaahhhhhhh so comforting. Peaceful. Purposeful. Drive away with a smile splitting your face and a wide-open heart.
Cook a huge spaghetti dinner for those homeless people you see buzzing around at night. (I urge you to try this at least once. So nurturing to your soul.)
Put some of your favorite childhood books on your front seat.
See that convalescent home you drive past everyday? STOP! Let your heart beat staccato for YOUR joy. Do it. So what if it’s scary, outside your comfort zone? Perfect.
Give your love and empathy and time to those who deserve it. Who hunger like you used to do.
You. Are. Ready.
Lift the hatchet. It’s right there in the corner. Lift it high above your head. You are strong. You CAN do this. Feel the wood and iron in your hands. Heavy and deadly. Let the arc of your blade split the air as it cleaves the tether that binds you to your past. BAM!
Freedom. Revel in it. Flood your mind with the resonance of this final act. Beloved, your goodness transcends every evil the Narcissist embodies.
Turn now. Walk away. Do not look back.
J Demos has been a teacher for 25 years, and has four wonderful daughters, and eight grandchildren. She was in a relationship with a narcissist for 37 years.
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Thank you for this post. I really identified with it – especially the part about letting go of what could have been. I have learned that what could have been in my mind wasn’t reality. What would have been was the continuance of hell on Earth. Much love and prayer for all those who still struggle to get away from their abusers, for those who are in the process of healing from them, and those who made it out and give us hope.
Dear Someone, thank you for sharing such kind and encouraging words for other survivors, and for your insights as well. They are quite lovely (albeit also sad and reflective of deep pain). I will pass on your comments to the author J Demos, she will be glad to hear she has touched you. If you ever would like to pen a piece for Narc Wise, I would love to hear from you! Like I said, I do think your words are quite lovely. You can contact me at maggie@narcwise.com. Light & love to you dear Someone. So happy that hell on Earth is now in your past. Maggie x
Thank you for this healing post. So validating, healing and uplifting to read!
After 7 years on an off with a N – I realize I actually do feel like a spiritual warrior today.
This post felt like balm on the heart, and it also made me realize I am still standing – I didn’t die, I didn’t go insane and I didn’t loose all my integrity.
I still want to live in truth and with compassion. – I do not any longer give multiple benefits of the doubt – and no more getting perplexed by wordsalat or bullshit.
It has been a very long time reading and studying this topic now – and it has been so difficult to realize that people without conciseness or remorse exist on earth. I understand now and accept that most people can’t understand this without experiencing it themselves. To read much, to find a good therapist, and also talk to other survivors online and get validation was lifesaving.
I didn’t know anything about narcissism or anything about cluster-B personality disorder before – now I do, and to get words on it was a real awakening. I can finally call a spade for a spade and avoid getting trapped in their intermittent reinforcement hell again.
Today I will keep this post in my heart- and go out and by a coffee for the person behind me in line, or cook a meal for the homeless – Wonderful written j Demos -hank you !
Thank you for this post. I’ve been married to an extremely toxic narcissist for 30 years, and I still don’t have the courage to break away. It almost seems too late now, as I’ve lost my entire adult life to this abusive and loveless relationship. But I’m inspired by the idea of trying to find joy in life in spite of him.
Dear Iwannabefree….so do it gorgeous one. DO IT! Free yourself. Find your joy. You deserve it 100%. It may seem too late, but it is not. Is every day of your life not completely precious? Believe me, it is. You deserve to seize every day that you have left in your life, living free, and with joy. Use that name you have given yourself to post on this site as a mantra…make it happen Iwannabefree! Courage & strength to you dear heart. Light & love, Maggie x