5 minute read
By Danielle T
Going through any breakup is devastating and can seem like the literal end of the world. Going through a breakup with a narcissist is on a whole other level. You grieve the loss of who you thought they were, the relationship you thought you had, and the future you had hoped would be yours to share.
You’ve got all that grief that comes with any breakup and on top of that, you’re dealing with the nightmare of breaking up with a narcissist which is never pretty. Smear campaigns, rage, sabotage or ghosting are all likely things you’ll be facing.
Saying it’s not easy to get over these things is an understatement, but life does continue after your relationship with the narcissist ends, even though it seems like this couldn’t possibly be the case. There are a few things that you can do to help yourself begin to heal. These are tips that have helped me to get back on track and start recovering.
Block them from contacting you
Remove the temptation of contacting them in moments of weakness, and don’t let them contact you. You know if they do it will only be to hoover you back in or for more games and pain. Block them on your phone and email. Sometimes you’ve got to burn bridges to start new beginnings. Sure it will probably make them crazy, but your emotional state is more important.
Remove them from your social media
If you wake up and do that morning social media scroll, only to see your ex’s face staring back at you, it’s also going to do nothing for your emotional state, so you need to get rid of this form of ‘contact’ as well. Blocking them from your social media accounts is a great thing to do, not just so they can’t contact you through these channels, but also so you can’t see their comments on other people’s posts. Reopening your wounds is a bad idea, so hit that unfollow/block button ASAP.
Don’t just stay in bed
Sometimes, you feel so upset about the breakup that you want to stay in bed, eating loads of carbs and watching romcoms. Don’t let this carry on for too long, and practice some self-care, even if it is getting up, showering, and visiting the store. It may not seem like much, but you’ll feel worse if you’re walking around in your pyjamas, crying to whoever will listen about how no one will ever love you again. Getting into meditation really helped me get back on my feet, get motivated and let go of the pain. I used a great app Stop Breathe Think. There’s no cost, give it a try.
See your friends
Sometimes, all you need to hear is to catch up with friends. They’ve probably been waiting for this moment when you are free again. Meet them at the park for a walk, or at the local café for a feast, whatever. Reach out. Connecting with others is so important. When the world feels like it’s crashing in, there is nothing quite like getting your other loved ones together, to give you the support that you need. I also used my newfound time to build new friendships through Meet Up.
Remember some losses are actually wins
Whilst you may be thinking that you could have tried again, or tried harder, or maybe they weren’t that awful, the truth is that you probably tried to fix problems which were really beyond your control, too many times to count before eventually throwing the towel in. Knowing you did all you could will bring you peace in letting go. Also remembering that bringing you to the point of cutting ties was a world of pain and letting go of all this isn’t such a huge loss.
Get professional help to make things easier
You don’t need to do this alone. Getting mental health support if needed is powerful in healing. There are lots of options out there, you can get help online, over the phone, or find someone face to face to really hash things out. If there are children and property involved in the split, getting the right help will make the world of difference in making sure you are heard and your interests are looked after. There’s lots of options out there. You could go to court and have the lawyers go to war. I couldn’t handle the thought of more ugliness and tried divorce mediation which helped in making sure I was heard throughout the process.
Find your identity again
A breakup is a difficult process, but you can ease it by discovering what you love again, and pursuing these things as an independent person. If you used to spend a lot more time alone but you haven’t done it in a while, take yourself out for dinner and learn how to love yourself again. Mending your relationship with yourself and becoming independent again is a massive step in getting past the pain.
I know from experience splitting with a narcissist is the worst heartbreak. It takes time and a lot of work to heal, but these tips worked for me in easing some of the pain. Try them, hopefully they will help you too. You’ve got this!
By Danielle T