Hi. I’m new to your site, though I’ve been working at recovery for the past 9 months, following 2 consecutive “friendships” with women I now believe to be narcissists. I’m working with a great therapist, I’ve read multiple books and articles, and I’m working hard to overcome the underlying issues that led me into these toxic relationships in the first place. This is my question:
I’ll make advances in my recovery, and be doing well when suddenly the darkness comes back and it’s all I can do to get out of bed, care for my family, and put one foot in front of the other. Is this normal?
Dear Workingtowardsthelight. Welcome to Narc Wise gorgeous one. There is nothing normal about abuse. Nor about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Hence, the impact on others is also ‘abnormal’. Rather than asking yourself whether you are normal vs. abnormal for your suffering, it may perhaps be more helpful to remove this question altogether for yourself. Your suffering is what it is and it will not be ignored. Feel it, and when ready, let it go.
Now for a more direct answer…wanting to know whether our reaction is normal vs. abnormal is something we all struggle with. And because it bugs us all; and because we all take steps forward, backwards, up, down, sideways and every which way in detangling the mess…yes, it is ‘normal’ for those who have endured narcissistic abuse. Recovery, of any sort, is never linear. Particularly so when you are detangling patterns which go way back, and will have deep roots within you. But the thing is that despite lack of linearity, all of the unexpected turns, and seemingly backwards steps, are progress. ALL. OF. IT. Gorgeous one, on the days the darkness comes back, these are the days your heart, mind and soul are processing. And if you do have those deep roots to untangle, you likely have been avoiding/denying this processing for a long time. There is therefore much to catch up on. It’s yuck, it’s messy, it’s hard, and the instinct is to make it go away. But you ARE doing the work. It IS progress. The only way is through. If you can appreciate this, and give yourself permission to accept that sometimes days will be yuck, I promise they will get easier over time decreasing in intensity & frequency. High five yourself gorgeous one, you are on your way. You’ve got this. Light & love to you. Maggie x
Hi. I’m new to your site, though I’ve been working at recovery for the past 9 months, following 2 consecutive “friendships” with women I now believe to be narcissists. I’m working with a great therapist, I’ve read multiple books and articles, and I’m working hard to overcome the underlying issues that led me into these toxic relationships in the first place. This is my question:
I’ll make advances in my recovery, and be doing well when suddenly the darkness comes back and it’s all I can do to get out of bed, care for my family, and put one foot in front of the other. Is this normal?
Thank you in advance for your response.
Dear Workingtowardsthelight. Welcome to Narc Wise gorgeous one. There is nothing normal about abuse. Nor about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Hence, the impact on others is also ‘abnormal’. Rather than asking yourself whether you are normal vs. abnormal for your suffering, it may perhaps be more helpful to remove this question altogether for yourself. Your suffering is what it is and it will not be ignored. Feel it, and when ready, let it go.
Now for a more direct answer…wanting to know whether our reaction is normal vs. abnormal is something we all struggle with. And because it bugs us all; and because we all take steps forward, backwards, up, down, sideways and every which way in detangling the mess…yes, it is ‘normal’ for those who have endured narcissistic abuse. Recovery, of any sort, is never linear. Particularly so when you are detangling patterns which go way back, and will have deep roots within you. But the thing is that despite lack of linearity, all of the unexpected turns, and seemingly backwards steps, are progress. ALL. OF. IT. Gorgeous one, on the days the darkness comes back, these are the days your heart, mind and soul are processing. And if you do have those deep roots to untangle, you likely have been avoiding/denying this processing for a long time. There is therefore much to catch up on. It’s yuck, it’s messy, it’s hard, and the instinct is to make it go away. But you ARE doing the work. It IS progress. The only way is through. If you can appreciate this, and give yourself permission to accept that sometimes days will be yuck, I promise they will get easier over time decreasing in intensity & frequency. High five yourself gorgeous one, you are on your way. You’ve got this. Light & love to you. Maggie x